


Quack

by keykiyoshi7443



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bruce Wayne is Batman, But like only a little bit, Crack, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Gen, Jason Todd is Robin, This is totally crack, based off of a bland headcanon, cursing, this is kinda crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 06:18:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8193442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keykiyoshi7443/pseuds/keykiyoshi7443
Summary: The Justice League has an entire day dedicated to making Bruce laugh but so far they haven't been successful. Or the one where Jason Todd can do a flawless Donald Duck impression and likes to give his reports in that voice.





	

**Author's Note:**

> What is life? I swear this was supposed to actually be a cool fanfic

You see, the League had a day. A single day out of the year where they pulled all the stops in an attempt to achieve their goal. What goal is that, you might ask.

 

Well, they want to hear Bruce laugh.

At first they had done it everyday, desperate to be the one who managed to make Mr. I-am-vengeance-I-am-the-night laugh. The bragging rights alone were worth it, let alone actually finding out what Bruce's laugh sounds like.

But then Batman had somehow figured it out (they really were very obvious, and he wasn't the world's greatest detective for nothing) because it kept interfering with missions. Now it was restricted to one day where nothing else would happen and Bruce agreed to stay at the Watchtower, letting the second Robin and Nightwing watch over Gotham.

And so, 12 hours in to the day filled with chaos, they were all sitting around a table in their costumes in silence. The awkward silence alone had caused the Flash to start cracking up. It was late and almost all of the League members were overtired. Which was pretty ridiculous because they should be used to this routine by now.

They were silent for a time, and then there was suddenly a loud sound echoing through the room. But it wasn't just any noise, it was a song, like something you'd put for a ring tone. The chorus of Avenue Q's '[the Internet is for Porn](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiFD6EFVsTg)' rang loudly through the room and the rest of the League froze.

They sent covert gazes around the room, trying to find out who would be stupid enough to leave their communicator on, let alone give it such a loud and obnoxious ring tone.

_The internet is for porn_

_The internet is for porn_

_Grab your dick and double click for_

_Porn porn por-_

The music was suddenly cut off as the communicator beeped somehow even louder than the music. _"Hey B. Pick up your goddamned phone. I know you aren't doing anything!"_ A teenage voice yelled followed by a slightly muffled, but deeper voice trying to lecture the teen on his language.

Then the music began to play again. But this time, even louder.

Then to everyone's surprise, somebody moved to answer a communicator and all eyes were drawn to... Batman?

The dark knight himself reached into one of his many pockets and produced what looked to be a modified flip phone. It was vibrating and blaring the sound for all to hear. He set the infernal device on the table, the rest of the people in the room drawing closer, eager to see who it was.

Then he pressed a single button and the music stopped, but it seems that he's answered the phone. "Robin" he said in a warning tone, his voice no longer the typical bat growl despite the fact that he was wearing the cowl.

They could practically hear the teenage side kick rolling his eyes. _"Aw come on B. You're the one who told me to call as soon as me an Dickhead here finished patrol."_ He replied playfully. Clark raised his eyes at the language that the young hero was using.

Bruce could only rub his forehead through the cowl in a poor attempt of staving off the impending head ache. "Robin use code names please. And don't use that language. We've talked about this. We've also talked about changing my ring tones. This is the third time this week." Batman continued.

The Flash's eyes bugged out of his head. After meeting Bruce you'd think that he would be the most strict partner ever, but apparently Robin was able to get away with this? It was bizarre.

_"Just because we've talked about it doesn't mean I'm gonna stop B."_ the boy lectured, his thick lower Gotham accent shining through on some of his words. Bruce looked like he wanted to break the communicator just to get some silence.

"Robin, report." he ordered, slipping back into the growl that they were so accustomed to.

_"Yes sir."_ the teenage voice replied. But then the voice switched. _"We patrolled around Gotham for a solid 5 hours with only one potty break from Golden Boy here. There wasn't any major crime, although we got to give Black Mask the good ol' beating he deserves. There was no injuries - on us anyway - and we got back about an hour ago, but Dickhead refused to let me call you until we'd gotten some ice cream. I swear he never grew up, he's still a child"_ the voice scoffed.

Now normally that might be somewhat serious - somewhat because there was some questionable information given in that report. But the thing was, it was delivered in a flawless Donald Duck impression. All traces of the Gotham accent were gone, replaced by the duck's own special accent.

There was a moment of silence where the League members just took in the fact that Robin could speak like Donald Duck and that he actually just delivered a report while doing so. Then there was a noise that none of them honestly thought they'd hear in their lives.

Bruce was _laughing_.

His head was thrown back and he was clutching his stomach as he tried to stop or at least muffle his laughter, but for a few precious second the rich sound echoed through the room.

After a couple of seconds he managed to control his laughter just in time to hear Nightwing complain over the comm. _"Why do you always have to use that voice when you give a report?"_ He asked indignantly.

That started of a fresh peal of laughter.

The League's jaws dropped as they stared at Br- Batman laughing. Because Bruce laughing was one thing - he did it at enough public functions - but the Batman laughing was something to ogle at.

They were also stunned by the blatant implication that the second Robin delivered all of his reports in this manner.

Finally Bruce seemed to gain control of himself again. He shot a look at the rest of the League who were still openly gaping at him. His lips thinned and he turned back to the communicator.

"Congratulations Robin. You're the first person to make the Batman laugh in front of the Justice League." He said. Then they heard a muffled crash and the communicator was dropped on the other end.

They heard a quiet _"oh shit"_ come from the communicator and their jaws fell even farther open. Because that small "oh shit" was still said in the duck voice.

Then the older male voice that they knew to be Nightwing's began to scold Robin yet again, although they couldn't hear it all that well because the other communicator was presumably still on the floor.

_"Robin you idiot! I can't believe you just did that, you made me lose another bet!"_ He shrieked. Robin simply began to quack. And then the Justice League couldn't take it anymore.

They broke out into nearly hysteric snickers because they had never thought to do _that_ and because Robin's quacks had increased in pace and pitch.

_"Robin you get your ass back here!"_

"Language" Brice chimed in snickering softly.

_"Get your butt back here!"_ Dick amended.

_"QUACK QUACK quack quackquackquackqua-"_


End file.
